Again I am reflecting to last summer, but little bit differently this time. Due to the stressful life situation (health issues, if you have not been reading my blog before or for a while), my knitting fell aside because to me, knitting is very relaxing and I usually drift off into my deep thoughts while my hands busily create stitches. While this is good at times, last summer it was not, since all I kept inside my head, were thoughts of worry and every time I picked up my knitting, it was really a short cut into worrying. When things got really bad, my hands were shaky, and while I knit, I can hold on to the needles with very little tension, thus leading to even more hand shaking. I soon realized that knitting was not helping me at all.
Even in my darkest times, I rarely lose all the hope, or should I just say, I can still dream about better times. I surfed through internet at times and came across Melanie Testa's site and the title of her book "Dreaming from the journal page", kept coming back to me.
What would I dream of if I were to keep a journal? Of course health issues improving, but also other smaller things as well. Since I had idle hands, I started to dream about things to make one day when there would be more time (and energy).
I have never been successful in art journaling but definitely I could draw about what I would make when things would get better. While I dreamed of making new wool sweaters and socks, drawing them did not sound such a great idea. Instead I drew a small quilt, colored it mainly with water colors and used ink pen to add quilting to it. It did not require lot of equipment to stress over, it was easy to lay aside and come back to and it did provide me a lot to think about. I was working small, I really had to concentrate to stay inside the lines and was able to control the hand shaking a bit. It does sound strange, but it did work.
I made a few, started to name them, but never really got into the journaling part. Journaling again would have made me to look inside my head and I did not feel like bringing all the worry to the surface. I knew it was there and I knew it had settled there for the time being and it would not go away; there just were not enough words in this universe to carry the worry away, so I better just put a lid on it. While heath issues improved, most of the worry evaporated, and now I have just the usual amount of worry that all the mothers of the world carry around, as we all worry over our children. Sometimes it is just whether or not they are eating healthy, or use the proper amount of woolies, or listen to music too loudly and ruin their hearing, or do they sleep enough, or use money wisely, ... oh, the list goes on but these are all good worries.
While I was drawing and coloring my small quilts, I learned a lot about water colors and color combinations. I thought about binding these small quilts into a book and to name the book "Cabin fever" since I fell in love drawing log cabin quilts but also because all my days were spent in the house, rarely did I go anywhere. So far, I have not made the book, but I might one day. Here are just a few here, there are some that I don't like that much and when and if I bind these into a book, I am letting only the ones I like into it.
When the autumn came, life got better, I could get back into my life more and I realized that I could actually make a quilt out of cloth. In October I started to make real small quilts, but of them I will talk about next time.
One more small thing that I learned this fall. I kept remembering the bad times, and I somehow thought that it was my duty (strange, isn't it, but I thought that if I kept thinking about the bad days, they would turn into golden memories or they would teach me an important lesson) to think about them, until one day, I suddenly realized that what was gone was gone, and there was no need to go back, those days were gone for good and I was just making myself sick with remembering them. And it did feel good when I learned this lesson. I was walking the dogs, and I literally left all the baggage by the roadside.
But now, I really should get into the kitchen, and get on with the baking,
Until next time,
Wool with you,