I had everything planned out so nice and simple. I was to knit lace after bought patterns calmly by the fire in the evenings after busy day all through December. I was to sip glögg and pet the fabric every now and then and have some Christmas Carols playing softly in the background. It would have been a perfect December.
And now …this is so not what I meant. This is not calming me down in the midst of the Christmas preparations.
When I went to bed last night I could not get the sweater out of my mind and was getting a little bit excited about the yarn and started to have different sweater possibilities swirling in my head, first it was just one, then new ones kept coming and going. And I woke up at five in the morning and thought I knew what I wanted to do. So I lay there in the pit dark (like it can be in the country) for an hour thinking about the construction details and unsolved questions and had it difficult to stay put until six. This calm picture with lace knitting was quickly cast aside and I found myself thinking solely of the sweater.
I hate (maybe hate is a bit strong word, but this is the part of me that is impossible to control and impossible to mould into rational behaviour) this part in me, I sort of drift into my own world with all the stuff that needs to be mapped out with the work in design process, I don’t hear, I don’t pay attention, I’m on an autopilot all day and the kids complain every now and then that Mom, you are not listening when the usual aha, hmm, interesting, really? is not an appropriate answer. And they are right, I am not listening. I know me, I have been here so many times before and the kids have been competing all their lives with my distractions. But they never were and are not a stupid three and they have always found their ways to make me hear and pay attention in the end… But I feel that if I don’t seize the moment, the excitement will wear off and I may end up not doing the design so I will not dare to ignore the sweater voice.
I know this must sound a bit odd - understatement? - but it is like the sweater is taking my life or is having me as a means to come alive…
This lasts as long as I have all the parts worked out. After that it is mostly smooth enjoyable sailing and then I’m all ears for anyone. I love my sweater idea, it is really going to be Winter Forest if only I can make out the details…
Which right now are not working, I am having doubts with my needle size, and the construction with the math is giving me a headache. Yet, I would not give up this even if I could. Because this really is the salt in my life.