Thank you so much to each of you of your supporting comments and e-mails. Every time I have popped into my e-mail box, I have always found a friendly and loving message. It has truly been a reminder to me that even during my darkest moments I have not been completely alone. The struggle continues and I don't have any good news yet.
While I have all that worry surrounding me and at times it has felt like it was suffocating me, I am trying to stay focused and calm. There have been many, many occasions when I have had to gather all my skills to be able to do this and there is this one lead I seem to follow when I am on the edge. This might sound strange to you and each one of us has different way of coping, and this seems to be one of my most traveled paths at difficult times.
One summer, in a similar situation, I knitted puppets. I created a world to them and took quick flights there frequently. My daughters were small then and that world brought comfort to them as well. The world that these creatures live in, is a loving, caring world and never, ever can one hear one word of judgment or argument over there. I remember talking with the girls how these knitted creatures always find a kind word, no matter what and that they never fight over anything. I know that children need to let off steam sometimes and toys are a good way to do it, but that summer was so hard on all of us that we needed all the love and care we could have. We had to focus on the good and these knitted creatures were the means for me mostly but a little bit for them too.
Now that I look at them, I remember well those times, and while some of the magic is still there, I look at them now as "just" knitted creatures. I am not saying I don't like them or that I am not proud of them, because I still am at some level, but I am just saying that I don't seem to find their world any more.
I love animals and sometimes think that I am more one of them than humans. Once I was commissioned to design a wall hanging and remember being at loose ends and not knowing just where to go with it. My dear friend (this is you Anu!) gently pushed me on my way saying that I should think about the wall hanging through my animal kingdom, because she said, you are an animal person more than a human person... The wording was different but that was the message. After that, the designing went (quite) smoothly and thus my bird was born. That wall hanging has my earliest bird creations.
For many years I have worked on a series of dolls. I have not shown it here because I feel that the process is still very private. I have returned to my dolls again, I say dolls when I should say animals, or cats. I am not sure just where I will go at the moment and if this pull is strong enough, but I am letting one of them to take me by the hand.
Wool with you,